Mother Mary

I’m trying my best to forgive-

you, who failed to protect me

did you not have any love to give?

I suffered most at your hands you see

 

When I had nobody else in this world,

how could you have been so cold?

They say a mother’s love is worth more than gold

Yet you never even offered your hand to hold

 

You shoved your dreams down my throat

but I was born a fighter so I fought

Only to be punished for he answers I sought

Perhaps it was all for naught

 

They say heaven lays beneath your feet

But hell laid in your mouth and I couldn’t stand the heat

You sewed my mouth shut so I couldn’t speak

At last, I ran, does that make me weak?

 

I guess I shouldn’t complain so much

Count all my blessings instead and such

But I wonder what I’m supposed to do

now that I know, I fear more than I love you

 

But I do love you, I really do

I question it when you say “I love you too”

Oh my dear mother mary

would ever forgive me?

 

 

 

Sail

I’m not a tranquil pond to dip your toes,

I won’t cleanse you off your sins or your woes

I pushed but you pulled with a gentle tug

and all was forgiven, swept under the rug

You still plot and plan to sail into my soul,

darling, the chaos would swallow you whole

All that I’ve held within, you can never comprehend

so let go my darling, let’s not pretend.

52-hertz

 

mde

Half read book collecting dust

movies paused endings unwatched

same old songs shuffle on repeat

wasted efforts left on read

Time seems to be frozen still

my demons continue eating their fill

I see a mountain you see a hill

hear their voices screaming ‘kill kill kill!’

I’m stuck in the middle neither living nor dead

a mere existence, drowning in the deepest depths

Aching for an inexplicable moment I never had

save me before I run out of my final breath

Sober

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Abandoned, sacrificed, trampled, betrayed

Those the fates that awaited if I had stayed

I see that with time the good memories fade

while the bad continues to linger- isn’t it sad

I can never remember the taste of those lips

Just got drunk on the lies between every kiss

They were nothing significant for me to miss

i guess I lead them on to think that I was his

I threw myself down the same rabbit hole

to feel anything other than the nothingness

but it only tainted my naively bare, naked soul

till i was left with nothing but a lost innocence and emptiness

I’ve pushed away till there’s no one left

distant, detached am i stronger yet?

Nothing to gain nor lose any longer

Is this what it means to be completely sober?

The unbearableness of being

 

IMG-1462182172831-VI wonder what came over me for me to fly six hours to another country in a heartbeat. Now in my way back I simply cannot put it together.

There’s a fine line between hope and expectations, like the line between excitement and nervousness, sometimes our minds fail to grasp which is which.

My mind, for example cannot tell the difference, I would feel nauseous either way; whether it’s the excitement before a date or the nervousness before an exam.

I believe I fall in love easily, no, I fall in love with the idea of love easily.

I fell in love with man who spends most of his time hidden yet helping the world to be a bit better, I would describe him as all the good in the world (no, he’s far from perfect, for one thing he’s always late) his soul and his very being seems to be full of light.

He is a true gentleman in terms of mannerisms, classy yet simple. We are similar and different at the same time

We both were never anyone’s first choice and people fall for us just by seeing the surface but none can accept what lies in the depths.

I wonder what it would feel like to have his lips against my forehead. Would he ease this restless soul of mine?

I was drawn to his light like a moth, I guess we know what becomes of the moth? He is a light I cannot attain no matter how much i chase it, he is very much like the sun.

The other man I’ve come to love is someone who’s life is constantly under watchful eyes but making an impact in this world.

The darkest corners of his mind fascinates me, his perceived demons seems to compliment mine perfectly, his words resonates within my flesh and bones. His thoughts and mine are the same side of the coin, how we perceive the world and it’s beauty and madness.

We are both constantly looking for something inexplicable while struggling with a haunting loneliness and emptiness. Sometimes I wonder if we held eachother close enough, we would be able to fill each others emptiness; two negatives becoming a positive.

He was like the moon, lighting up my world during the darkest hours. But would a wolf’s howls ever reach the moon?

While the other was a love of lightness of the mind and soul, perhaps like a weightlessness or floating, this love brings forth a hidden darkness. The temptation and the need to feel another’s weight against mine, pushing me down with a heaviness pinning me to the ground, a love of the mind and body.

For the first time (and probably the last) all three of us were close together for three days. However, I spoke to one love, without being able to see him. I saw the other love, without being able to speak to him.

Perhaps Milan Kundera was wrong but it is the lacking of lightness or heaviness that makes being unbearable.