My lips against the nape of his neck

hands lightly stroking his back

I would give up the world for that

What would have been if we hadn’t met?


I am a moth flying to his raging flame

only to get burnt over and over again

I’ll fly to him every time without a shame

Don’t you know there’s pleasure in pain?
In the midst of the unbearable chaos, he stood

Through the whirling darkness, the only good

Oh how I crave so deeply for his presence

Even if it means to just sit with him in silence




I know he isn’t mine to miss

and I shouldn’t be feeling like this

sometimes ignorance can be a bliss

but my soul constantly yearns for his


He thinks he hides those lies so well

or maybe I’m caught in a dillusional spell

As I stand here, between heaven and hell

what will become of us only time will tell


For so long I never could write of him

And of all this love and pain I’ve held in

Day by day, my light turned dim

till there was nothing but emptiness & sin


Today I finally picked up this pen

held in my breath until the count of ten

I must confess of this love & of the pain

drunk on courage, here I write again.


In your arms, in between each heart beat

my worries faded away from beneath my feet

I felt at peace even if the moment was brief

and the whole universe let out a sigh in relief

Your warmth filled up all the tears and cracks

of my tired, broken soul and all that it lacks

In your arms, I knew I had found my home

“Come back oh heart, there’s no need to roam”

Reflection I – Twenty four

Bruised, battered

I stood tall

Finally shattered

I took the fall

finding the pieces

that had scattered

Cut myself in the shards

That mostly mattered

At times I held myself together

with just tape and glue

Enduring doesn’t mean stronger

as if you’d have a clue

I have come to realise

at the age of twenty four

No matter how much you take

they’ll give you more

I thought I hit rock bottom

but it’s a bottom less pit

Falling, drowning, breaking

with every hit

Pieces getting smaller

as they shattered

making it harder

to find the ones that scattered

Endure, endure 

endure I must

how do I put myself together

when I’ve become nothing but dust?

[September 2nd 2017, Twenty fourth birthday]

Mother Mary

I’m trying my best to forgive-

you, who failed to protect me

did you not have any love to give?

I suffered most at your hands you see


When I had nobody else in this world,

how could you have been so cold?

They say a mother’s love is worth more than gold

Yet you never even offered your hand to hold


You shoved your dreams down my throat

but I was born a fighter so I fought

Only to be punished for he answers I sought

Perhaps it was all for naught


They say heaven lays beneath your feet

But hell laid in your mouth and I couldn’t stand the heat

You sewed my mouth shut so I couldn’t speak

At last, I ran, does that make me weak?


I guess I shouldn’t complain so much

Count all my blessings instead and such

But I wonder what I’m supposed to do

now that I know, I fear more than I love you


But I do love you, I really do

I question it when you say “I love you too”

Oh my dear mother mary

would ever forgive me?